Letters from the Front John Pezaris, Pasadena, California, 17 August 1995. LIMITED SUCCESS Another visit to the DMV today. Oddly, it went much more smoothly than the last visit, allowing the observation of some previously missed sinister undertones. I now have an interim California Driver License (that missing possessive still irks me, in much the same way the state tax collector's office being called the Board of Equalization is troublesome), my photograph and thumbprint have been digitally captured (oh, I'm wild about that one), and I have payed the necessary fees and taxes for a valid license and registration, although some of the paperwork still needs to be completed and the car still needs to be verified by the DMV. I left the DMV in a daze. Things worked. I nearly aced the written driver's license test, I passed the eye exam without my glasses, I didn't have to argue about the $300 not-made-here tax -- I mean, smog-impact fee, all of the lines were short, and the civil servants were, well, not quite helpful or cheery, but a whole lot nicer than before. What was the difference? Perhaps it was the early hour, perhaps the cooler weather, perhaps the waning moon. It certainly wasn't my attitude, since the last time I was naive and hopeful and this time I was hardened and cynical (wait a minute...). The oddest thing is that all of the information I provided was available at my previous visit; why it worked this time and not last, I just do not know. But it did, and I was dumbfounded. The driver's license qualification testing is a tragedy. People were blatantly cheating on the written test, their illegal crib sheets out in the open. I didn't ask what the passing grade was, but from the looks of the people taking the test, it couldn't have been much more than 50 percent. With one read-through of the pamphlet the night before, I missed two (two!) out of 20-odd questions, earning me an "excellent job, sir" from the grader. Hoo, boy. The eye test is a joke. One examiner was overheard saying, "try again, ma'am, you need to guess three right." I passed without my glasses, and don't really feel safe driving unless I have them on. Phase of the moon. Must have been. At the California DMV there is an underlying assumption that the citizens of this fine state are guilty until proven innocent. Signing the driver's license application cannot be done without agreeing to submit to arbitrary drug and alcohol testing if later stopped by an officer of the law, ahh sorry, a "peace officer." You must prove you are a legal resident. You must surrender your out of state driver's license. You must submit to having your photograph taken, which is permanently stored in digital form. You must submit to having your thumbprint taken, which is also permanently stored in digital form. Why is any of this necessary except to later implicate you? One thumbprint, for example, cannot be used to exonerate, only to prove guilt. Big Brother is alive and well and living in Sacramento. So the count is now at five calls and three visits to the DMV. I have to make at least one more call to make an appointment to verify the car, and one more visit to have the verification done. With luck. Oh, then there's that smogging issue. More as it happens. - pz. Next Letter, Previous Letter, Start Again Copyright (C) 1995, J. S. Pezaris, All Rights Reserved.