Letters from the Front John Pezaris, Pasadena, California, 30 August 1995. GONNA LET YOU DOWN AND LEAVE YOU FLAT Have you ever thrown someone out of your personal space? Ever taken down their clothing from your closet, emptied the dresser drawers of their stuff, pulled out their luggage, and made it inescapably clear that you will no longer tolerate their presence? Not ranting and raving, but quietly, rationally, with purpose. I've just done this, and it feels good. Very good. The story behind this decisive instant is long, complex, and not of particular relevance to the matter at hand; the exhileration of the moment, however, is fascinating. Having lived under duress for some time, freeing oneself of the burdens of that oppression, even if only symbolically, is intense, fulfilling, and uplifting. I had been worried that I'd be unable to sleep because of this leaden cloak, but when I got home, and she wasn't there, I emptied the closet of her things. I reclaimed hangers, recovered dresser drawers, withdrew all open offers, and rescinded standing agreements. I returned unused gifts. Symbolically, of course, by placing all of these things in a pile by the door; the realization will have to wait for her act of collection. But the moment of decision followed so quickly by effective action was thrilling. Oh, I will sleep. I've just thrown her out, and it feels good. Very good. - pz. Next Letter, Previous Letter, Send a Reply, Start Again Copyright (C) 1995, J. S. Pezaris, All Rights Reserved.